


Freckle Statistics

by alipopsie



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, a little bit of spice, counting freckles, drunk caleb, jester and beau as shadowgast shippers on deck, just some friends hanging out and having a nice dinner, serious statistical analyisis, she's teasing him, slight beau & essek sibling dynamic?, there's some nonsexual lap straddling :0
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:02:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23413510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alipopsie/pseuds/alipopsie
Summary: Caleb gets more drunk than intended when visiting Essek's for dinner one night and becomes very silly and clingy. Distracted freckle counting ensues, with Beau and Jester very much helping.
Relationships: Essek, Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 22
Kudos: 195





	Freckle Statistics

**Author's Note:**

> Caleb canonically gets very silly drunk very quickly and I intend to abuse that. Thanks to alicat_cookie and essek discord a lil bit for brainstorming with me!

Essek wasn’t much of a drinker. He pretty much only drank wine when it was offered, or on the rare occasion that he was hosting. He wasn’t a fan of losing any control over his mind. He was afraid that he might let something slip and share one of the many secrets he kept close to his chest, or, god forbid, express feelings. 

So when Beau offered a bottle of whiskey at dinner that night, he’d politely turned it down. Beau shrugged, took a swig, and offered it to Jester, who declined, and Caleb, who drank.

They were eating at Essek’s house, he’d invited Caleb over for help with a spell he’d been working on, and Beauregard and Jester had insisted on tagging along.

It was reasonable, he supposed. The Nein had gone this long finding their strength in numbers, but it was also infuriating that he could never seem to get the wizard alone.

Hell, he wasn’t even able to sit next to Caleb at dinner, the girls had taken diagonal places at the table he’d set for four, so he was now sitting next to Jester, who took up entirely too much elbow room when she ate, and across from Beauregard, who kept flashing him a look that he couldn’t exactly read. Something between a knowing look and a death glare. He had to pretend it wasn’t terrifying him beyond belief.

Caleb and Beau kept the bottle between them, occasionally taking swigs through the meal, and listened to Jester’s very animated story, she kept bumping Essek with passionate arm gestures as he ate.

There came a point where each of them had set down their cutlery, plates cleared of food, Jester’s even licked clean of sauce.

“You alright there, Caleb?” Beau asked, “You look a little… flushed.”

“Oh, ja. I think I just had uh, a little much to drink.” he hiccupped slightly, and Essek noticed that there had been a sizable dent made into the bottle, “I’ll be fine.”

Beau nodded, stood, and started reaching for the plates. 

“You need me to clean these, Essek?”

“Ah, no need.” Essek waved his hand, and the plates stacked themselves neatly, then, with another wave, were cleaned completely.

“Right. Magic.”

“Magic is wonderful...” Caleb said under his breath, a little sing-song to his tone.

“That it is, buddy. Let’s get you back to the study.”

“He gets real drunk real quick,” Jester whispered, leaning towards Essek, “I don’t know why he drank so much, he’s usually pretty sober...”

“You know I can hear you?” Caleb said, much louder than he probably intended. “You’re not very quiet.”

Essek sent the dishes to the kitchen, following Beau as she led Caleb towards the staircase.

“Perhaps,” he said, noticing the sway to Caleb’s step, “it’s not the best idea to take him upstairs while he’s in this condition?”

Beau frowned, and Essek gestured to the living room, “Perhaps we could continue in here, instead?”

Beau nodded, and directed her fellow human into the room. Essek waved over some armchairs, two next to each other, for him and Caleb, and a sofa for Jester and Beau.

He sat in his chair and summoned the spellbook he’d been working from, and Caleb sat next to him, peering over his shoulder, but quickly becoming distracted.

“Hey Essek, did you know you have freckles?” Caleb said, head tilted to look at Essek’s face.

“I am aware, yes.”

“Ja you have a lot. There are a lot that are lighter than your skin but there are also some that are darker.”

“I know this, Caleb.” Essek moved the book towards his face some more, trying to ignore the bright red hair that was obscuring a lot of his vision.

Essek continued reading, then Caleb started muttering under his breath, “One… two… three… four...”

“What are you doing?” Essek tried his best not to look at Caleb, who continued to lean into his field of view.

“I want to know how many lighter freckles there are compared to darker ones.” Caleb replied, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Can you focus on the spell, please?”

Caleb ignored him, continuing to count under his breath. 

“Sixty-three.” Caleb said, after a while, seeming very proud of himself, and started singing softly under his breath, to no particular tune, “Sixty-three freckles. On the Shadowhand… Sixty-three little white freckles. On his face...”

“Are you done now?” Essek sighed, he could feel himself blushing, and told himself stubbornly it was only at the ridiculous nature of the activity.

“Nein. That was just the light ones.”

Caleb started counting again, moving his finger vaguely along with where he was looking, when Beau piped up.

“You need to make sure you counted right, Caleb. You should count a few times.”

“I don’t miscount.” Caleb said, tapping his temple, “I have a very good mind.”

“But what if you missed some?” she argued, “You could barely see the other side of his face.”

Caleb frowned. “That is a very good point.”

He grabbed Essek’s chin and turned his head towards him with unnecessary force, and Essek glared daggers at Beau as Caleb started counting again. Beau grinned at him and gave a double thumbs up.

“Eighty two.” Caleb furrowed his brows, “But there were only sixty-three last time, right?”

Beau and Jester nodded, and Caleb frowned, then began counting again.

He became much more physical as he counted more, he was physically pointing out each freckle now, poking Essek’s face with each number he muttered.

“Eighty-one.. Eighty-two.” Caleb smiled, satisfied. “That’s the same as last time.”

“No,” Beau said, “you got eighty-one last time, remember?”

“Oh!” Caleb looked confused for a second, then nodded. “Ja. It was eighty-one yes.”

“It was eighty-two.” Essek glared at Beauregard, who winked. “Last count was eighty-two.”

Caleb looked between the two of them, brow furrowed. “I should make sure.”

Caleb did several more rounds of counting, coming up with a range of minorly different numbers. 82, 79, 83, though, at one point, 107.

At some point during his counting, Caleb had basically straddled Essek’s lap, sat on his legs as he got  _ very _ close to make sure he was counting right. 

“Eighty-two.” Caleb nodded, after about the twelfth count. “It’s definitely eighty-two.”

“Are you done now?” Essek was trying his best to stay as calm as possible, and ignore the fact Caleb was sitting on his lap, and their faces were a few inches apart.

Caleb laughed. “Nein. That was just the light freckles. I still have to count the dark ones.” Caleb started to count, reaching around thirty before he started to blink long and slow, and started to curl up in Essek’s lap instead of straddling it.

Caleb cuddled into Essek, nuzzling his face into his chest a bit, and started snoring gently.

“Well,” Beau clapped her hands just as Caleb seemed to be fully passed out, “We should go.”

She and Jester stood and headed towards the door.

“And just leave me like this?” Essek was trying not to plead with them, but in his defence they  _ were _ abandoning him in his own home with a very drunk Caleb passed out on him.

Beau thought for a moment. “Yeah.”

“Assholes...” Essek frowned, and Jester winked.

“Only cuz we love you, Essek!”

Essek watched them go to leave, aware he could easily remove the human from his lap, but unwilling to disturb his rest.

“Wait,” he said, as they reached the door, and they turned. “How did he get one hundred and seven?”

Jester grinned. “Thaumaturgy.”   
They left, and Essek swore under his breath. Caleb cuddled into him more, squeezing him tight, and Essek found that, once he’d waved a hand to extinguish the candles, he couldn’t help but wrap his arms around Caleb in return as he began his trance.

**Author's Note:**

> not pictured: jester asking caleb when he returns how many light freckles are on essek's face and he responds "eighty-two" without even thinking.


End file.
